| Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes. |
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Everybody knows me around here. even the graveyard shift guy because he gets my makeup bag without me asking and the lady who draws blood was there and she needed mine so they just had me sit in the nurses' station. blood lady said I was up early and late-shift guy said "no, this is about the time she gets up" and I said "I always get up at 6am." it was just kinda funny. okay either I'm coming down with a cough or I inhaled some of the cotton the gardener was blowing around. I wanted to walk around one more time but I couldn't stop coughing so I turned back. collar bones are encouraging but the number on the scale is not what I want it to be. it says I've lost 5lbs in a week and a half. I'm so tired I just want to go in my room and lie down but i can't miss the social worker, i need to ask her about partial so i don't have to deal with all this insurance crap wednesday. there are people in the group room but i think it's early yet. I hope it hasn't started without me. oh nm that was trauma group. the social worker is sitting in the nurses' station anyhow and they wouldn't do group without her. i still have an hour and a half of problem solving group and an hour of stress management. maybe i'll try to pick up my things from the OT room between 11:00am and 11:30am when they start serving lunch. Though I'd like to go to arts and crafts once more at 3:30pm. pregnant-looking belly in a leotard woman stayed all frickin day long until her hubby came about 7:00pm. I also have to go get my keys from my therapist but i guess that can wait. i don't even know what the hell i'm doing about appointments this week and next because i'll be in partial to 3:00pm monday, wednesday, and friday and hopefully get to volunteer at the hospital as well. it's my mother's birthday friday and my best friend's birthday is monday. I had to leave group early because a certain person was talking about "screwing" and I finally stood up and started to say i can't listen to this and elise just nodded and i left. when idiot savant guy and this other woman stopped talking everyone looked at me. black-pride woman even made this gesture with her hands to get me to talk. finally i told everyone i was anxious about leaving and when i was done, black-pride woman said "you have a beautiful spirit, not at all abrasive" that really meant a lot since she doesn't usually say that about people. she's the one who i told to sit with us when she was wandering around the cafeteria. They're doing a calorie count today. the girl asked what i had eaten and i told her just orange juice and she asked "why?" basically and i said partially because i wasn't hungry and partially because i didn't want to eat. i don't want to be here when my pdoc sees that written down. he's gonna give me a fucking lecture. one i've already heard and then the dietician is supposedly gonna talk to me. that totally sucks because she is anything but subtle. she's even kinda mean about it. i've heard the lecture a million times from a million different people. you'd think they'd get sick of it by now. i sure am. I just asked shawn the meds guy if he knew whether the dietician was seeing me today or not and he said he didn't know but "i'll tell yah when she's coming so you can hide. i'll help you. no i won't" Damn she's here. Shoot me, shoot me now. This woman is like the dietician from hell. i don't know where she disappeared to but i would love to crawl in a hole and pull the hole in after me. i hope she does come, i'm not taking any of her crap. and then my pdoc is gonna lecture me before he works out my discharge papers. he can also go to hell for all i care. this...freak came yesterday. she's ugly as hell and she walks around with her nose turned up, literally. she thinks she's better than everyone because she can sing opera. it was just annoying the crap out of everyone last night. my mother thinks i'm coming home around 1pm or so, when it's really gonna be 5pm or later. there's this new guy and he's complaining that he's not getting what he paid for. he's in the lounge talking on his cell phone in persian and he got in an argument with the resident mental case. i wanted to tell him just to ignore her and she'll go away but it was an entertaining moment. i didn't want to spoil the fun. lunch: orange juice to keep my blood sugar at a non-fainting level. getting dizzy while sitting at the table kinda freaked me out more than it felt good. getting dizzy when i stand up is only a minor inconvenience. i think contrary to the blood sugar thing, i can go a lot longer without food than i can with a low blood sugar level. so, skip the food, drink the oj. those are my two cents. good god the local psychotic freak's pounding the ivory's in a nauseatingly putrid sorta way. she's been told to shut up several times but she's just pounding her heart away, talking to herself. i don't want to go in my room because i'll just get tired and fall asleep. god give it a rest!! i'm about two sour notes away from jumping her. she doesn't usually play this long. i need to go find some new ceramics to paint for days when i don't have partial. i need to see if the hospital has a website with any information on volunteer work there. i'd rather not walk in the front door and try to guess who i need to talk to and where that person is located. i don't want to be a candy...striper? and have to wear those ugly ass uniforms. i'll have to see if i can request the mental health department. though i'm not sure it's gonna be like this. it'll probably be like this with 2 west, mariah, and pac all mixed together. that is if they have a mental health department. now they want my weight. well, i can tell yeah it wend down. i'd like to drink as many glasses of water i can muster but what the hell, i'm leaving today anyhow. The scale says i lost five pounds in ten days...Unfortunately for all involved I see through the health risks to the benefits and the tricks. Orange juice to avoid low blood sugar and I can go on for days without any food. It's always the light headedness that gets me. Like after just two days or less. This woman and I just went for a walk. She is sooo nice all the time, even when she's down. I'm so afraid of what the result's gonna be of my telling them the truth about what i'm eating and the weight i lost. last year i lost one pound in 18 days and they freaked. They seem to be doing checks every 15 minutes like on 2 west. we'll see in 15 minutes whether that's the case or not. I want to get some apple juice but the cafeteria's probably closed. I'm really not ready to go. even if I stayed I'd still have to tell my mother that I am. I'm not sure she'd like that very much. I'm not ready to go. I feel like I'm gonna start crying. My eyes are still bothering me. Sometimes I can't focus, bright light hurts more than it should. I'm shaking really bad but it's from not eating I presume. My therapist is serious about San Diego. She asked if I thought I'd be in competition with the others, who could weigh less. I would just like to be that weight before I even went in. Now she's talking Arizona though. My blood sugar's low but i've been to the cafeteria twice now and they didn't refill the orange juice...dispenser. I went and sat with these 3 large women while they finished their meals and we'd get talking about the most embarrassing subjects and they didn't worry about what people thought or anything. Then we sat outside and talked for about an hour about everything. One woman talked about being a lesbian and another talked about her son, and may other topics to which I just sat back and listened. Their stories were incredible. Then I had one of the nurses page my pdoc because they didn't have any sort of order for my discharge because he said he'd be back after he finished his outpatient appointments. It's 7:30pm and he's still not here so I don't know what's going on. I thought about going for PTSD and then being in the trauma group since my therapist couldn't really put me in it. I'm just about packed, only a few odds and ends to gather. My eyes are going berserk, I think I need to be off the zyprexa all together. It also feels like I've got something on my head like a headband or something. now I've got this mildly large gash on my right index finger knuckle. It looks like I punched someone in the teeth. I can't let my pdoc see it. I want to go work on the puzzle just to keep my mind busy bit I want to be here when my pdoc arrives. I don't want him to just discharge me. I want him to call the insurance company and at least try for a few more days so I can go to trauma group Wednesday. I found a good way to deal with dry mouth...chew gum. like for therapy it would be so much less distracting to not be taking a sip of water every 20 seconds. well, I'm just sitting here patiently, hoping he's gonna come soon. I'm not sure I want music playing when he gets here but it's too damn quiet. There we go, much better, I'm just not gonna let myself worry. In cases like this it's very difficult not to but i don't get all tense and fidgety and upset waiting. I was gonna go ask the nurse if she paged him but I don't want to bug her. I want to stay, I need to try trauma group. I need to talk to someone about this. Besides, I'm not sure how safe it is for me to drive home with my eyes like this. It's a wonder I can even see what I'm writing. Wow, I soooo hope I can stay. They JUST paged him "and he's supposed to be calling back." if I can stay I'll make a deal that I eat at every meal. I was supposed to call my mother around 8:00 and it's 8:12pm. but still no news. I'm sitting out in front of the nurses' station and when i looked up, one of them was pointing at me. do i have a sincere look about me or something? because people seem to see me as this entity, a shoulder to lean on. I mean fine, that's great and wonderful and all but I'd like to be in on this secret everyone seems to have...am I like emanating healing rays or something that only i am unable to see? Anyhow, it's a...blessing that i can help these people by just listening to them as long as they need, and noticing when something's wrong and asking them about it, checking up on people to see if they're better than the day before. it seems to be the only way i can be around people. i watch over everyone here, that's why they like me so much i think, because i can't figure out any other logical explanation. I'm afraid my pdoc's gonna be tired and cranky and not even consider trying to get my insurance extended. i really don't want to drive with my eyes like this, and worse yet, in the dark. the psycho freak's playing her sad excuse for a piano medley. I wish the recluse guy would play again, as it turns out he is the idiot savant i suspected him to be. he just has that never brushed hair with receding hairline, the strong as steel european accent i'm not sure he even understands, the slightly hunched back and limp in his stride. it's all there, and despite all his unfortunate faults, he plays the piano like...there are no words. It's like nothing I've ever heard before. Location: Las Encinas Hospital (again) Last update: 03-06-2002 10:00
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