| Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes. |
| idiotic contest between myself & uh..myself |
|
|
Anxiety ridden girl was sitting alone at breakfast this morning so i got my yogurt and sat with her. she's always asking if this feeling's gonna go away, whatever that feeling may be. i just insist it will and she seems happy with that. red headed girl's looking all happy-like today. she's having ECT done. she was being really comical about it. i want to weight myself really bad. well, with my shoes on and baggy jeans....I've lost a few pounds. I feel like it's more though maybe i should stop eating all together. I'm home monday so it's only a couple days. I'm so exhausted I'm not sure I'll be able to sit through group today but I need to talk to elise about partial. I was worried about it but not so much anymore. I didn't have any caffeine this morning, I'm gonna try to stop drinking soda from now on. I'm not gonna lose weight on how much I'm drinking now and their diet soda tastes like gasoline. Red head woman sat with us at breakfast and anxiety girl said i looked really young then red head woman said I look 14!! Maybe that's why everyone's being so nice, because I look so young...? anxiety girl said i looked perfect to her while I was eating my salad the other day. I think she's delusional. anxiety girl is really nice, she's always willing to talk though she's on 2 east so I only see her at meals if she doesn't have visitors and wandering around sometimes. group this morning was supposed to be upstairs but the woman i introduced myself to the other day couldn't walk up the stairs and the elevator was too far away so she got upset because she really wanted to go. this woman and i went upstairs and asked the social worker if it could be downstairs and after some arguing he took a vote and EVERYONE voted to go downstairs, so we went and told the woman and we all squeezed into the downstairs conference room. three people sitting, one standing and that's only because a couple people had to leave. it would have been more. it seemed like all the people from upstairs and downstairs were there. I've never had a group that large. Anyhow, today's gonna be so boring. All there is to do is the morning problem solving group (9:30-10:30) and "creative task workshop" aka arts and crafts (4:00-5:00). Then just meals but everyone's gonna have visitors while I sit alone unfortunately. I think I'm just gonna eat as soon as the cafeteria opens at 11:30 so I'll be done and gone before visitors start showing up at 12:00. There's this guy here who reminds me of a young Pete Samaras. Hmmm. I wonder what floor he's on. I want to sleep but I'm afraid my therapist or someone is going to come, even though she said she'd be here early or late saturday or sunday. she's moving apparently, she said she had to pack up her entire house today. I'm engaged in this contest with myself (if you haven't noticed) which is to make friends with every damn person in this hospital. Adult-staff-wise: Jill from my pdoc's office, sandra who handled my evaluation here, alma who handled my admission, shawn the day meds guy and dave the night meds guy, grouchy asian nurse lady who, I've realized is very kind and even smiles if you act like she's your best friend, kim the recreational therapist, elise the social worker for partial, I could just go on and on. They all know me by my first name. then there's at LEAST 5 people from 2 east who know me and 90% or more of first floor people who know me and it's starting to feel like everyone from Briar knows me by name like they sit around and talk about me down there. which is just insanely creepy. I just got up to throw my gum away and OMG my body hurts so bad and i only walked like five feet. I'm exhausted, no more sleeping pills for me. It takes way too long to wear off. I'm just now sorta coming out of it and it's 11:21am. I took it at 8:30 last night. I want to stop drinking soda so I've been drinking orange juice here where I don't have it at my fingertips all day. their orange juice is a little on the watery side but it's not bad, not like their diet soda, wow! it's gross. I think I'll have some crackers with my salad today and just not eat all of my salad. There's one woman here who I can't stand because yesterday she spent all of lunch explaining african american rights and all these famous musicians she claims to have played with or written songs for. I have an amazingly hard time believing that. she talked the entire lunch. I'm so sick of her "black pride" crap I could just puke. anxiety girl wanted to go for a walk so I said I'd go with her but when I met her upstairs she said she was feeling really bad so she went to lay down instead and I went on a walk alone. It feels like my legs forgot how to walk and it's not so much tiring that my breathing was labored but more like my muscles gave up on me. It wasn't as easy as it was yesterday. when the maid came in this morning she was all surprised that I made my bed. I just asked for some clean towels and she emptied the trash. i'm usually not here when they come, i'm usually at lunch or in group or something. group is from 4-5 today. a half hour into dinner. maybe I'll be able to skip today, or I'll just get a roll. I think I've found out everyone's names I didn't know but they knew mine. This is definitely some idiotic contest between myself and uh...myself I guess to have everyone know my name and like me before I leave. I'm doing pretty well actually. I really enjoy helping people as long as they appreciate it. today in group it was so cramped in that little room and someone was talking about something, something odd and the girl next to me and i looked at each other, sort of with eyebrows raised and we started laughing, silently of course. I'm so tired I think I'm gonna sleep a little bit. Group isn't until 4:00 on the weekends because they're big visiting days. 12-8pm. I'm quite possibly the only one without visitors while I'm here. I can't deal with it. I just need a break for a while. I still have annoying people knocking on my door 24/7 but at least they aren't my parents in fact most of them are in their 20's. no one else bothers me really except the maids who aren't a bother and my pdoc who totally is. even though I'm tired i don't really feel like sleeping, I feel like writing. I can tell I've lost weight in my arms, legs, and collar bones are showing. It's incredibly encouraging, especially considering I'm eating three meals a day. the woman i introduced myself to the other day can't do her laundry because it's all the way upstairs so I offered to do it for her and she said one of the nurses was doing it then she's all "it is SOOO NICE of you to offer." I've been helping her ever since she got here. Not only for her but for me as well. I don't feel like a good person at home because I can't be helpful. It just isn't in me to help my parents and there's no one else. creation. I love creating things. It doesn't really matter what the media is I just love it. be it pen to paper, paint to ceramic, tile on wood...anything. I think there are bruises on my back from leaning against the arm of a metal chair in the lounge. I had my feet over one arm and my back to the other. I can't tell though because I only have one mirror, all I do know is that it's a bit painful across my back where the arm was. I think as soon as they do rounds again I'm gonna lay down for a little bit, see if i can't kill some time sleeping before group as it's almost 3:00 and I've run out of things to do and say. I can hardly keep my poor eyes open. This no-caffeine thing's gonna suck but i think if i don't take my sleep meds i'll be okay because usually i'm sipping a soda all day and night. damn that really hot guy who works here just got here. he always tries to talk to me and i hate it. it's like "go find a girl who's equally hot and leave me alone." he works in a psychiatric hospital and is hitting on its residents. seems a little odd to me. god they keep calling me lisa because there's another woman named lisa and there were two lisa's with blonde hair but one went home yesterday. i just asked the woman i introduced myself to if she was going to arts and crafts at four and after saying she wasn't she said "thank you honey" and i said "i hope you feel better." what is it with people calling me honey? there's only one person [guy] i like being called honey by and the rest...it's annoying as hell. especially if they're younger than me. anyhoo...now what shall i do? i guess i'll look over my site for errors, that'll definitely take up the rest of the day. i've never had the time and/or the desire to do it until now. Even though families are here visiting it's extremely quiet around here. Depressingly quiet actually. Maybe I'll go get that puzzle I did twice last year and just set it up on my floor. I'll have to run it by the nurses' station, hmmmm...my therapist came by and i was really down, i don't know why. we talked a little more about san diego and about me volunteering at huntington hospital, and going to partial. i'm really down today i don't know why. i talked to my mother a little bit, i think it made me not want to sleep tonight. i came out for meds and they said we could watch a movie and at the same time as this "black pride" woman and i said "Citizen Kane" which sparked some conversation. our choices were that or star wars. no one wants to watch it though besides us. people keep coming in, seeing that it's an OLD movie and they leave. when i was waiting for meds anxiety girl gave me a hug and i didn't freak out, amazing. maybe because she couldn't hurt a fly if she wanted to. this girl came in and tried to get us to watch another movie. she gave me a weird look when i said this is my favorite movie of all time. i didn't really eat dinner. i picked at a wheat roll and drank orange juice. i don't want to eat tomorrow either. i'm tired but i don't want to sleep tonight. Location: Las Encinas Hospital (again) Last update: 01-06-2002 23:00
|
No comment posted
| Next > |
|---|
