| Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes. |
| not so virgin ears |
|
|
I'm so tired I can Hardly keep my eyes open. but i slept fine last night without my sleeping pill. i had boysenberry yogurt for breakfast. my stomach isn't growling but i'm really weak. it hurts to walk, i feel like i need to go running and stretch my muscles but i hardly have enough energy to walk much less run. i can see my collar bones. that's unusual for me and extremely encouraging. it means I'm being successful at this thing, i've accomplished something. i haven't been able to do that in a while. I only wish you could see them better. that i could feel my pelvic bone more. that my face was less round. in group this morning the social worker said "okay who wants to start" and I sorta looked around the room and saw the woman next to me (the one I joined at lunch yesterday) and she was just lookin' at me. i said "why yah lookin' at me?" and chuckling. she said "this is the sweetest girl" how embarrassing and another woman from lunch chimed in. Leisure time: physical, social, fun, relaxing. At lunch today I ate with a bunch of people i don't usually eat with. they balked at the food i was eating and it seems there are three people with or in recovery from bulimia. then my therapist came long after i finished. when we were done she wanted to get some lunch and i went to a table where the two women from yesterday were sitting and "pregnant-looking belly in a leotard" woman came over and started telling us about her sex life. i started freaking out and one woman at the table commented on my "virgin ears" i didn't want to ruin the moment and the laughter so i played along. i didn't have the heart to tell her they aren't virgin ears and neither am I. the only problem i had was the picture that was forming in my mind. i think i'm scarred for life. her mid 70's husband i now know can't get it up. virgin or not, my ears just can't handle that. i'm doing wash right now but the guy said to sit tight until my pdoc came or i probably won't get to see him. i should just not be here, that way i can have one more day of peace and maybe one more day here. i'll type this up then do my laundry. I really don't want to eat dinner tonight, but I want to sit with this group so I guess I'll pick at a salad. my pdoc came by, upped my effexor and decreased my zyprexa. he told me to tell my therapist not to send me to the san diego ED program. They don't allow contact with referral doctors there. the oddest thing, all these people keep saying hi to me and acting like they've known me for years and i haven't the slightest idea who they are, we were never introduced. they say "Hi [bela]" all entheusiastic like but all i can do is say hi back because i don't know their names. i feel really bad about it too. i hate not knowing people's names especially when they know mine. so frail, so small, with all your strength you'll conquer all. from what i've seen, from what i've heard, i know you'll think it much too hard, but with that twinkle in your eye, you're courage won't ever die. take your time and patience have, take the good days with the bad, the hurt will end soon enough, so don't give up when things are tough. Location: Las Encinas Hospital (again) Last update: 31-05-2002 23:00
|
No comment posted
| < Prev |
|---|
