| Written by Diana, on 07-05-2002 10:42 |
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While reading through a great site for SIers yesterday, I came across this line the author ended one of her academic papers with which I thought was (now stop me if I'm exaggerating here) ingenious. I'd never heard anyone say these few things I think day in day out, even though I know we all do. (If the person who wrote this wishes for me to remove the quote, email me and I'll remove it immediately). "Until then [until our voices are heard] we will wear long sleeves in summer, refuse to go swimming and blame our non-existent cat." It's like one of those clever things you wish you had said, but someone got there first. Like saying something Kierkegaard said just because you always wanted to be the joe who said it, but never could find the words. Then everyone scolds you for quoting Kierkegaard and calling it your own (I relate him simply because it's my literature of choice at the moment). I'm going to the market today to take that first fated step towards recovery. My grocery list consists of salad stuffs, soup, rolls, grapes, a bit of cheese, yogurt, sunflower seeds, and orange juice. Things I can eat little bits of rather than a whole complicated meal. Thanks to a dear friend, I now have some sense of what "normal" means. It's been upwards of five years since I had anything mildly resembling normal eating habits. three and a half years of living in that world of comfort food, too cowardly at that point for b/p. Then two years of restricting, moderate to extreme. All starting when I was too young to have learned what I should be eating, coming out of it with no idea whatsoever. And even the times I did eat healthy (for a kid) I have very little recollection of. Now, 20 years old, put me on that butt crack o' dawn discovery channel show where kids are supposed to decide a healthy meal given some options and the healthiest wins, I'd fail miserably. I mean I can tell you the fat and calorie content of most major foods but ask me to put together a healthy, well balanced meal and I'd give you a blank look, maybe a slight hint of terror, not necessarily thinking "i haven't the slightest what that is" but rather "oh god what if they make me eat it??" After falling this weekend quite a bit further than I had ever hoped to again fall, having someone tell me I should be eating five "meals" a day doesn't seem as scary as it used to. It seems normal, something I aspire to be.
Last update: 07-05-2002 10:42
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