| Written by Diana, on 07-05-2002 04:13 |
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and with looping cd playing soft in the background I lay down and shut my eyes, hoping beyond hope that I don't fall asleep, but needing my eyes to stop hurting so I can continue using them. Two days without sleep can really wear a person down. Instead of cutting today I ran as far as my legs would take me on little food and no sleep. A lot farther than I would have imagined. Five miles isn't sounding that far away anymore. It's not like I haven't done it before, like that feeling you get when you stop running, that feeling that the ground's moving when really you're standing still, I love that feeling, I live for that feeling. It means I'm doing well. It means I ate, that I didn't cut, and things are looking up. Yet all the while I manage to screw everything up, leading me to believe that maybe life isn't worth it after all. And then I get the slightest nudge of encouragement and I'm off and running, until, once again, I slip and fall. And on wounded knees I crawl around on the ground, hurting myself ten times more because I didn't stand up, and continue running. Then lying there, bleeding, with tears streaming down my face, I cannot fall any further. So I decide to stand, brush myself off, dry my tears, and never return. Because now I know how deep the hole goes, and how hard it will be to get out.
Last update: 07-05-2002 04:13
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