| Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes. |
| back to hell |
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Maybe I'm wrong. I have this renewed hope in humanity all of a sudden but I'm afraid I'll lose it right quick. Hm. I think maybe I'm over-reacting. I tend to do that. Then I get let down. Maybe it's all my fault I get hurt so often. Maybe it's just a flaw I have. Maybe it's all my fault. And now the hope is gone. Completely. Two minutes. A new record. Therapy seems to be letting me down lately. God...I thought all my dreams had come true. Maybe that's all a lie too. I wanted so much and just when I thought I had it...I don't know. I just don't think so anymore. I fear my "friends" are all fake. Like maybe they just look like friends to someone who wouldn't know a friendship if it bit her in the ass. I feel like I've done a 360--went from bad to worse to bad to better, now I'm falling back into worse. I can see it happening faster each day that goes by. I'm losing everything. The only thing I seem to see in my future is another trip to the hospital. Not a good thing this time. You've heard me say that I want to go back. I never imagined it would actually become necessary. I'm losing so much sleep over this. It's not longer that I choose not to sleep. It's now a flaw in my character. Now I CAN'T sleep. I've gotten stuck on caffeine pills, downed with a caffinated drink of choice. I honestly feel like I'm wasting valuable time by sleeping. Time I'm not so fortunate to have. Borrowed time. I haven't been suicidal since I left the hospital. It's too soon. Why can't I just get a break? Why do this to me again, so soon. I want to feel normal for once. I almost made it...I thought I had. I really hate this. I can't even tell anyone. Not to their face anyhow. Welcome back to hell. Last update: 04-12-2006 08:01
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