| Updates: Media (lyrics) has a new layout. I could never figure out how to lay it out, but it's easier to navigate now. I'm still working on a better duplicate Mamblog mod. I'm trying to make submittions easier but the poetry form died for some reason. Quizzes are also on their way from the old site. Joomla content isn't very code friendly so I'm having to rewrite old code. You can still click on News > AH v21 > Screen if you wish to use the quizzes. |
| transparent eyelids |
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The world spins without me, why does it do this? The world spins while I...I lie in bed waiting for it to stop. What is this fascination with alcohol? It seems to inflict this feeling of peace, love, and harmony upon my already slightly dysfunctional family members. Members who, on any ordinary day, would hardly find a meal together peaceful, loving, or at all harmonious. They continue on while I draw neat little pictures in my head of forcing fingers down my throat in a frantic attempt to regain what was mine before this nightmare began. (8:44am) Horribly vivid nightmares of rape resurface. I can still feel him. I no longer have to shut my eyes to see his face, that nightmare plays on like watching streaming video through transparent eyelids. Though it's getting difficult to distinguish this endless looping video from the world outside the pictures. What if it's all just an elaborate scheme to keep me down and bleeding? What if all it takes to make it go away is to say, "I'm too weak to do this alone, I need help?" What if that's all it takes?? What if being stubborn no longer has any advantages? Until I figure this out, the horror show I'm watching remains. Until I can say my life is as it should be, I'm trapped by my fears, my regrets, and my consequences. Then and only then will I be able to say, "this happened to me, but I survived." (9:13am) I had much too much time to sit and think today. One shouldn't be allowed to put that much thought into any one topic. It isn't safe. (9:36am) Last update: 29-04-2002 10:36
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