|
how's that for eternal damnation? |
|
|
| Written by Diana, on 21-04-2002 05:34 |
| Views |
111  |
|
|
|
I get the feeling every once in a while that various members of this "recovery" group I joined are either members so that they can say they have an ed or so that they can say they're in recovery. I'm not in recovery. I'm not there to say I'm in recovery because I haven't decided that it's what I want, or what I'm ready for. And even if I did want it, "in recovery" is far from something you could use to describe me at the moment. I'm testing the waters. I'm trying to see if it's for me, at this period in time. I'm trying to see what it means to be in a "recovery" group. So far, I can't even read the e-mails or anything on the site besides quotes and this..."healing lights" page which I posted on because the owner asked if I had yet. I posted a blue candle for peace--"To ****, who showed me that to get through tragedy, you gotta have a little fun once in a while. May we both overcome what ails us." I ate too much today. And by "too much" I mean by "normal" standards. I can't sleep, I can hardly think about anything but what I ate today. And I promised myself that even if it meant gaining a couple pounds I wasn't gonna purge anymore. I'm wishing right now that I had never made that promise. How do people with EDs function? I just can't figure out how to do that. I've never been able to. Although this evening I found myself remembering, no, agonizing over conversations I had TWO YEARS AGO. How do I even remember them when I can't even remember the first 12 or so years of my life?? It's strange. I was gonna make a pie tomorrow just to kill time because I don't like pies, but I think even the smell would get to me. And I'd have to go to the store again. I've already gone three times this week, not because I wanted to but because I was asked to. I don't think I can go again for a while. I feel like I'm in hell. Like the person who had a fear of spiders gets covered in them for eternity. While I, with a fear of food, not just the act of eating it, gets thrown into a grocery store for eternity. How's that for eternal damnation?
Last update: 21-04-2002 05:34
Users' Comments (0) 
|
|
|
Words 
