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like i don't enjoy this feeling |
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| Written by Diana, on 05-04-2002 04:14 |
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I take caffeine knowing what it's gonna do, and then get panicky when I can't breathe, like I don't enjoy this feeling, like I haven't felt it a thousand times before. Then I take so many deep breaths that I get dizzy. I'm letting someone down. I want to be healthy for them but I also want to be perfect, not just for them but for me. It's sort of a lose-lose situation. They just want me healthy but that can't be good enough for me can it? Why is that so hard? Why can't I be healthy and happy? Why do I seek perfection?? It doesn't exist. Although no one's going to attack me as I walk across campus either, and they're NOT staring at me when I leave the house, judging every piece of me. Food is not bad, ignoring hunger is not a sign of strength, and I will fall if I continue this way. All this I know, yet I press on.
Last update: 05-04-2002 04:14
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