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when it starts feeling bad |
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| Written by Diana, on 04-04-2002 18:53 |
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There's a limit to this feeling. When you're out, and you're not sure whether the next time you stand up if you're gonna faint or not, that's when it starts feeling bad. When the high of starvation gets to be too strong. When you're not sure if you'll be able to stop. When the only safe food you can find is water, and when even that is no longer safe. There's the part of me that knows this is bad, this is really bad. But there's the other part, the strong part, that knows I can be perfect if I only stay strong. Tough it out. It was so much easier to do this when I had an ally on my side, someone reassuring me that the scale's off, that I had a lot to drink today, that it would be okay. Someone to sit and watch the ceiling spin with. Someone you can joke with about not being able to hold a drink without spilling it from shaking. This is a lonely disorder, "healthy" friends don't want to watch you waste away. Family members ignore you in order to pretend this isn't happening. No one understands it but no one wants to either. And it only makes the desire to succeed that much stronger.
Last update: 04-04-2002 18:53
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